He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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