I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
