Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
