this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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