The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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