WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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