so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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