Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
