don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
