All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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