i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
