i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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