I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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