hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God, I missed his penis.
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