ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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