I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
