After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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