I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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