Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
