so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
