Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
