Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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