I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
