i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
