I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
