Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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