whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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