yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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