he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
