I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
