her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
