I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
