we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
