I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
