**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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