VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
