I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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