I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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