My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
