You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone shit on the floor
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
