we have officially lost it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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