And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
