this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
