Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize