well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
