Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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