do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
