Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
