The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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