I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
