i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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