I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
