the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's great music for shaving your balls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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