I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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