It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
