I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
