and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
