i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize