is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
