eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
