We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
