I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
