Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
two words...techno handjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
