Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh god it's open bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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