I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize