we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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