So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
